The "Always" and "Never" Trap

I've been thinking a lot lately, and I wanna share something that my bestie, Corena, totally called me out on. You know how it is sometimes—you get on a rant, right? We were using this app called Marco Polo, which is kind of like a video walkie-talkie. You record a video and send it to your friend, they watch it when they have a chance, and then they can reply with their own video. It's awesome for staying connected with friends who live far away.

Anyway, I was venting about some stuff, and I didn't want advice—I just needed to get it all out. But my wise bestie just asked me to replay the video to myself. So I did, and I heard something I didn't even realize I was doing.

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The Danger of Absolutes

In a five-minute rant, I kept saying two words over and over: "never" and "always." I was so sure of myself, so convinced I was right, that I was making these huge, absolute statements. I was drawing lines in the sand, like, "I'm never going to do this" or "they're always going to be that way."

And honestly, at first, I felt pretty good about it. I thought I was setting strong boundaries and standing up for myself. I was like, "Yeah, I'm sticking to my convictions!" But a few days later, I started to wonder... Is it really a good idea to speak in absolutes?

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The "Always" and "Never" Trap

The problem with saying "never" is that you shut down all kinds of possibilities. It’s like closing a door on your future. For example, when I was 25, I told my parents I was never going to have kids. Well, guess what? I have two awesome kids now! And I once swore I would never live more than an hour away from the ocean because I wanted to go to the beach every day. Now I'm in Fredericton, New Brunswick—not exactly a beach hotspot! But I found other ways to be near the water, like triathlons and swimming in lakes.

The same goes for "always." When you say something is always going to be a certain way, you might actually make it true just by believing it. You limit yourself and others by putting everyone in a box. It's a total trap, and I know I'll probably fall into it again when I get fired up. And that's when I'll need my bestie Corena to give me a reality check!

So, I'm trying to be more mindful of these words. Speaking in absolutes can seriously limit your life and the opportunities that come your way.

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Yogic Guidance: The Wisdom of Non-Attachment 🙏

So how do we get out of this trap? We can lean into a core principle in yoga philosophy called Aparigraha, or non-attachment. It's all about letting go of the need to control everything—not clinging to outcomes, ideas, or even a fixed sense of who we are.

When I use words like "always" and "never," I'm creating a strong attachment to a specific idea or a rigid future. And trust me, that can cause some major head-on collisions, because life is constantly changing. The yogic path teaches us that everything is in flux—just like the ocean tides or the seasons. By practicing non-attachment, you create space for new possibilities, growth, and unexpected joys.

So, instead of saying, "I'm never going to do that," maybe try, "Right now, this isn't my path." Instead of, "He's always like this," you could think, "This is how he's showing up today." This simple shift in language can open up your mind and heart to a more fluid, peaceful way of being. Remember, you're not a fixed state; you're an ever-evolving journey.

How do you feel about speaking in absolutes? Have you ever noticed yourself getting caught in this trap? Let's chat!