Embracing the Gentle "No" This Fredericton Summer
Does this all sound familiar? It’s a wonderful problem to have, truly. But with all this glorious abundance, it’s easy to feel stretched thinner than a well-loved yoga mat. You want to say "yes" to everything, be everywhere, and soak up every last bit of summer fun, because our summers are so wonderfully short. But here's the thing: you are human, not a superhero—though some days you kind of want to be!
The Gentle Art of "No"
One of the biggest hurdles to a peaceful summer is that dreaded feeling of letting people down. To complicate matters for this ambivert (both extroverted and introverted depending on the situation), I want to be invited to all the things. So when I do need to say "no", I don't want to put a hard stop on the social invites. So dear reader, please don't stop inviting me! How do you say "no" to a fun invitation without feeling like you hurt someone's feelings? It's all about the gentle no.
Instead of a flat refusal, try something like:
"Oh, that sounds absolutely amazing, but I've already committed to something else that day. I'll catch you next time!"
"I'd love to, but I'm really trying to keep my schedule a bit lighter these days to avoid burnout. I'm so sorry to miss out!"
"My plate is a little full right now, but please send me pictures and tell me all about it!"
The key is to be polite, express genuine regret if you truly feel it, and don't over-explain. People don't really need a dissertation on your schedule or mental state; they probably know the situation and might even feel the same way! Remember, a "no" to one thing is often a "yes" to something else – like sanity and self-care, or a quiet evening with a good book.
Embrace Your Inner Hermit (Just for a Bit!)
Summer often brings the unspoken pressure to be constantly doing. But what if doing nothing is exactly what you need? Why does our society make you feel guilty for wanting to do nothing?
Setting aside dedicated me-time isn't selfish at all; it's essential. Block it out in your calendar if you must, just like you would a doctor's appointment or a coffee date with a friend. With this time, you could have:
An hour of uninterrupted reading in your favorite sunny spot.
A quiet yoga practice where you flow at your own pace.
A leisurely walk by the Wolastoq River or through Odell Park.
Simply observing the world around you, maybe even at Killarney Lake.
Absolutely nothing! Maybe you just want to stare at the ceiling or out the window and let your mind wander. I find my mind goes to wonderful places when I do!
Release the Guilt, Prioritize What Matters
Let's be honest, we all have moments where we feel like we're constantly playing catch-up. I call those days when I feel like I'm "behind the eight ball." The emails pile up, the laundry basket is overflowing (who am I kidding, I have a room full of clean laundry that needs folding!), and you're pretty sure you forgot to water your plants. Add to that a packed social schedule, and it's a recipe for feeling perpetually behind. And that’s not a nice feeling.
But here’s a liberating thought: You can’t do everything. So don't do everything! That’s perfectly okay. Release the guilt, prioritize what truly matters to you, and let go of the rest. That overflowing laundry can wait. Those unread emails will still be there tomorrow. Your mental well-being, however, needs attention right now. Choose what nourishes you, and don't choose what doesn't.
With all those overlapping invites, how do you choose? It comes down to listening to your inner voice. Which of the options truly makes you feel good, energized, and connected? And which ones feel like obligations? Perhaps that lively backyard pool party sounds like pure joy (do that!), while the third social gathering in a row feels draining (don't do that!). Life's too short to feel like you need to go somewhere and do something just out of obligation.
For me, with a health issue like CSL and a pacemaker, setting boundaries is no longer a suggestion; it’s a non-negotiable. My body gives me clear signals when I’m overdoing it, and pushing past those signals has real consequences. It’s taught me the profound importance of saying "no" with conviction, not just for my physical health, but my mental and emotional well-being too. It’s a reminder that truly listening to your body’s needs is the ultimate act of self-love. This is why, going forward, I am going to focus my yoga teaching schedule on mornings and weekends, and reduce or eliminate evening classes, simply because evenings have become more challenging for me.
Conquering FOMO with JOMO
We’ve all heard of FOMO – the fear of missing out. It’s a sneaky little beast, especially during the summer when there seem to be invitations every day of the week. But what if we flip the script and embrace JOMO – the joy of missing out?
When you choose to stay home and recharge, you’re not missing out on fun; you’re gaining peace, energy, and quiet, allowing you to truly enjoy the things you do choose to do. You’re creating space for yourself, for your well-being, and for the kind of summer that truly fills your cup.
So, if sitting and having a nice tea on your deck overlooking your beautiful backyard in the summer breeze (if it's not too stinkin' hot!) fills your cup, go for it!
This summer, let’s embrace the gentle "no," celebrate me-time, and choose joy over obligation. Your well-being will thank you for it.
Sincerely,
Kris
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